Frequently Asked Questions For Parents Involved In Child Custody Disputes

1. How do I lessen the impact of divorce on my children?

a. Children who experience the most impact are those that are the most involved in their parent’s conflict. DO NOT EXPOSE OR INVOLVE YOUR CHILDREN in conflict between you and your spouse.
b. Let your children know what to expect as soon as you know the logistics of how the divorce will impact them.
c. Allow for maximum involvement of both parents in the children’s lives.
d. Keep things as consistent as possible for the children. If you can remain in the family home and keep the kids in the same school; wonderful. If you must move out of the family home, do whatever possible to keep the kids in the same school.
e. If there are new significant others involved, wait until you are divorced to introduce them to the children.

2. Will a joint residential schedule work for our children?

If you are considering a joint schedule with the children going back and forth between your homes, here are several very important considerations.

a. Do you have good communication with your child’s other parent?
b. Do you live in a close proximity to each other so your child can have the same friends and participate in the same activities form each home?
c. Are you willing to put your child’s needs ahead of your own?
d. Are you willing to negotiate?
e. Are you willing to be flexible and change the residential schedule as the needs arises?
f. Can you empathize with the needs of the children and the other parent?
g. Do you'respect your child’s relationship with the other parent?





3. How can I improve my communication with my former spouse?

a. Before the meeting begins visualize what you want to accomplish
b. Always put the child’s best interest first
c. Stay focused on that goal
d. Respectfully listen to the other party
e. Refrain from criticizing
f. When reaching an impasse, agree to disagree and move on
g. Stay focused on the present and the future, don’t bring up old issues
h. View frailties with compassion
i. Be willing to compromise
j. Express appreciation for useful ideas
k. If the other party appears to be baiting you, don’t go for the bait
m. Be solution oriented
n. Keep it businesslike
o. Consider why the other party is behaving the way they are and take that into consideration when you'respond
p. If things get out of hand leave the room until you and the other party calm down
q. Endeavor to bring compassion into the relationship
r. Pick your battles and prioritize
s. If you are having trouble getting an opportunity to express your opinions, express your appreciation for the other parties’ views and add that you would like an opportunity to express your views
t. Remember that high conflict between parents has long term negative effects on your child
u. Remember children have rights and parents have an obligation to protect and preserve those rights
v. You will earn your child’s respect if you successfully communicate and resolve differences
w. For a decision to work, it must be a decision your child can accept. Your child also has to live with the consequences of your resolution to difficult issues