Things I Want To Do Versus Things That Have To Be Done

Have you felt a quite different dynamic within you when you face the choice of doing something you want to do as against doing something you don't? Getting it right makes us effective. Get it wrong and we become experts in procrastination. And we can see the process at work in our children and work colleagues when we ask them to do something

If we ourselves really want to do something, then look at what happens to our resolve. Obstacles in our path are minimized in our mind, any inconvenience is tolerated and frustration stifled until we have done it. We drive on wanting what we seek.

On the other side of the coin, tell us we have to do something and that deep seated streak of procrastination is triggered within us. Our resilience level drops. We will probably give up the moment we experience any obstacle. We will show a low tolerance level and we will verbalize any frustration we feel in defeatist terms.

This "Have To" Psychology can give rise to some odd cognitive reactions within us. Without realizing it, our sub-conscious mind can not only try to help put off to doing what we feel bound to do, but it can help us construct more permanent and unhelpful methods of procrastination.

In its simplest form, we can so easily make a list of to do's and we can notice how we will will gravitate first towards the want to's before we deal with the "Have To's, the unpleasant ones which are left until last.!

We can then see so clearly even then, how with the Have To's that we can continue postponing them. Only when they become an absolutely Have To do will we actually do them.

Acknowledging this feature of ourselves, consciously or sub-consciously, Let's look at the strangest trick we can play on ourselves. We play it knowing that we enjoy and do most Want To's. We do it knowing that we can leave Have To's until the very last minute but they always have to get done.

Supposing we fix a major goal which we know we want to achieve. But at the same time, in our hearts and minds, we doubt we can achieve it if left to our own devices. We let negative thoughts and doubts nibble at our resolve.

So what do we do? What strange perverse game do we play actually against ourselves? Instead of keeping the goal a Want To; Instead of keeping it secret, we tell others who are influential in our lives? We tell figures of some sort of authority over us. Why? Because we sense it will turn the goal from a Want To into a Have To. Why so? Because we know that now they all know, they will make us do it, or at least they will think less of us if we don't achieve It. So now we have put this extra pressure on ourselves. And we have thrown all our cognitive machinery into confusion. Our sub-conscious senses our will and determination coming into play for us on the one hand, but on the other hand is presented with a Have To which its natural instinct is to avoid.

Of course certain things in our daily lives have to be done. Watch how you can get more done if you can turn something you feel you have to do into a task that you choose to do. How do we do that? This can be done by focusing on the good things about doing it and then comparing it with the unpleasant consequences if it's left undone. We work up the preferable effects in our minds doing everything to covert it into a Want To.

The dividends from such psychology can be great if we get really good at doing it. We can use it to encourage children, grandchildren, employees, partners and others in our lives to create and live by Want To's not Have to's