Feel It And Move On

I remember being about 8 years old and attending the funeral of my great grandmother. I loved my great grandmother very much, and at that young age, her transition was the first time I’d ever experienced the death of someone close to me. I was devastated and confused. I knew I would never see her again, but I wasn’t really sure how I was suppose to feel about this.

During her funeral service, I remember looking at the adults around me. Although they had sadness in their eyes, no one was crying. Being 8 years old and not knowing what to do, I imitated them. I sat there feeling sad, but I refused to cry.

I’ve worked with several clients during the grieving process. And one thing that has been consistent with all of them so far is usually right after a tragedy has occurred in their life, they have an armor around their muscles. What I mean by “armor” is that most of their large muscle groups are simultaneously contracting. It feels as if they are protecting themselves through resistance. This is not just restricted to grief, but all negative emotions including fear, anger, guilt, etc.

Don’t get me wrong, strength is appropriate in some circumstances, but resistance is usually detrimental to the body. Resistance is when you push against what is happening or how you feel about what is happening. I love the “think positive” movement, but don’t confuse it with repressing your feelings behind positive affirmations and a smile.

One of the biggest fears when it comes to feeling your emotions is “Will I get stuck here.” This is a common misconception. From my experience, it appears that most people get stuck in the resistance or judgement of their feelings and not in the actual emotions themselves.

It’s healthy and natural to feel how you feel and allow it to pass naturally and without force. The more you stay present with your feelings, the more quickly they will pass. It’s the resisting of your feelings that prolongs them and cements them into your subconscious and your body until you are ready to deal with them. Because what doesn't come out, stays in.

I’m not suggesting you cry at work when you’re sad or blow up on a coworker when you’re angry. But I am recommending that you find a positive outlet for your feelings. Exercise when you’re afraid or punch a pillow when you’re angry. Scream really loud in your car or cry into your sheets at night.

Know that your emotions are not a sign of weakness or failure, and that by expressing them, you honor yourself. And when you make this a regular practice, you can be moved into a state of greater awareness and greater joy than you’ve ever experienced thus far.

If you have a habit of repressing your feelings, then you may need to do some form of bodywork to release them. Try yoga, exercising, or a nutritional detox.

For help releasing old emotional baggage from your body, see a qualified bodywork professional who specializes in emotional release work. For help with processing your feelings, seek assistance from a mental health provider or psychologist.