How To Get Over Someone You Can't Have

Without a doubt the question I am asked most about life, love, divorce, and breakups is "How do I get over someone I love, but doesn't love me back. I have mentioned this before in several blog posts as well as making it a central point of the Break up Recovery System. The unfortunate reality is that you can't make yourself stop loving someone, only time can cure that pain.

The last sentence of the prior paragraph will most likely cause 80-90 percent of readers to stop reading. For the remaining few who wish to continue, there is hope. Let's take a look at it for what it is. After a divorce and/or breakup your world has been turned upside down and it is natural to experience a great deal of grief. It's a very normal and natural part of the healing process and you are wise to let it take its natural course. Notice that I said grief and pain are a normal and natural part of the healing process. So whether it feels like it or not, the fact that you are going through a very uncomfortable stage is a sign that your mind is starting to process the reality of what has happened.

At this point your natural reaction is to try and do whatever you can to make this feeling go away. Some turn to alcohol and other forms of destructive distraction. Others will run back to their ex and throw themselves at the mercy of their ex, offering any sort of a compromise to end the pain by accepting them back.

Your point in this stage of your separation is to avoid doing any of the above mentioned at all cost. Notice that the attempted short cuts to easing the pain rely on external factors outside of you, as opposed to looking inward for the solution.

The fact is that you had a life before this person and you will have a healthy and happy life after this person. The current storm is a brief period in which you must buckle down and reconnect with who you are and what you want for your life! If someone does not want you or has rejected you as a part of their life, it is not a reflection of you, what you have to offer, or your self-worth. Your goal at this point is to focus completely on you (and children if they are involved) and develop yourself to a point in which you arrive at a better place in your life, even better than before being involved with your ex.

It's important to understand and to hang on to the fact that what you are going through is only temporary. It will end, and it will no longer have control over your emotions. I understand that the pain of a breakup or divorce is one of the most emotionally devastating pains we as humans can experience. However, if you understand that it is not permanent and that you must face your fear straight in the eye, you will be prepared to go into, through, and finally out of the pain.

A great tool in preparing yourself for this challenge is to keep a daily log for at least 30 days. Whenever you feel that you are alone. Or you feel the need to reach out to your ex, take a moment and write your thoughts of that very moment. Often it's the need to simply let go and get out of your system the pain, frustration, and anger you're experiencing.

This form of emotional dumping can be accomplished in your daily log. As you move forward in your healing process, take a look back at your log and remind yourself how far you have come. Review the bad days and see if you can identify what set it off. Equally important is to look at the times that you were strong and felt empowered and see what created the feeling of strength. If possible, duplicate the patterns that made you feel strong.

You are not alone on this journey, you have access to the strongest person you know to help you through this - that strong person is YOU, now go rediscover them and be reminded how strong you really are.