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Adultery. What a terrifying word. When one thinks of adultery, one thinks of some soap-opera or a story about a neighbor - rarely does anyone plan to have a cheating spouse in their own home. That is, until one day you fear you're spouse is cheating on you.
At the start, the realization of an affair is a tiny alarm going off on your internal radar. Your spouses comings and goings start to raise your now heightened awareness. Perhaps he/she has received one too many phone calls at strange hours. Maybe your spouse is exhibiting signs on unexplained joy and it catches your attention. Bottom line is, most betrayed spouses can pinpoint the exact moment when infidelity became a very real reality in their life.
No two cheating spouses are the same, but most unfaithful spouses have some dirty things in common. These same characteristics are also the key to your sanity as you can watch for them in your spouse, and then empower yourself to take the action you need.
Unfaithful spouses actually hate lying to you - that is, at the beginning. Yes, it is true. Most unfaithful spouses really struggle with the overwhelming dishonesty at first. Over time, their guilt subsides, and lying to you becomes a way of life and a matter of survival. If your spouse is suddenly acting guilty around you, you may have caught him/her at the beginning of an affair.
Unfaithful spouses are the some of the most stressed-out human beings you may ever come into contact with. The stress of lying, keeping up two dishonest lives, keeping all the lies in order, and trying to keep two partners content can be extremely over-whelming. While a new affair is not as stressful as one that has been on-going, most unfaithful spouses sub-consciously wish they would get caught so it will all just stop.
Cheating spouses rely on today's technology to keep the affair alive and in tact. Things like email and cell phone make affairs much easier to maintain - and also make affairs much easier to have in the first place. If you suspect infidelity in your relationship, start by checking the email and cell phone accounts. Any strange email address or cell phone number should be investigated for your peace of mind.
Not all cheating spouses are bad people. Affairs actually can happen to good people. Yes, an affair can even happen to a spouse that is worth keeping. The fear of being tagged a bad person due to a lapse in moral judgment keeps most unfaithful spouses in hiding.
If an affair is confirmed in your relationship, remember one thing. The next steps, actions and efforts are about you, the betrayed spouse. Do not waste your energy dwelling on the other woman (or man), do not waste your energy on the guilty spouse. You have just had a traumatic experience happen that will center around trust. The misconception is that healing from an affair involves learning to trust your spouse again. While this is on the list of future things to deal with, it is not your immediate concern. Your first concern will be to learn to trust YOURSELF again.
Unfaithful spouses rely on the self-doubt betrayed spouses bring into their minds. The desire to trust your spouse is far more powerful than your desire to find out your spouse is not trust-worthy. When cheating is confirmed, the first victim to be healed is the betrayed spouse - You. Take every bit of time you need for yourself and try to heal yourself before you begin any other major changes in your life. A worthy spouse will wait. |
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cheating spouse,
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