It's fairly obvious that adults accepting children's appalling behaviour as normal is dangerous! 10 out of 10 for that observation, Liz...
When you look around though, see what's written, what people are saying and observe what's happening in many schools and around the streets that seems to be what's going on...
It seems evident that many adults are accepting the unacceptable, commenting, 'We just accept it', 'That's what kids are like', 'We can't do anything to stop them', or 'Things are different now'.
There's abject acceptance of vile and disgraceful behaviour that has become the norm and that it seems to be accepted that there's nothing adults can do to prevent it happening. That's just dangerous rubbish! It's happening in schools and it's rife throughout society in general... Who then is going to do anything about putting a stop to children's appalling behaviour if adults have decided that they can't take on the task? The children certainly aren't going to anything to chang things - well apart from becoming even more appallingly behaved!
I was involved in an incident recently and that is the basis of this article... I deal with children's challenging and extreme behaviour -- well no, actually I don't! How come? Well, the strategies I use are so successful that they may try and behave badly but escalation just isn't allowed to happen! Prevention is the key...
Tricks? Magic? No, of course not. It's just learning and using the way of managing kids' behaviour that anyone can learn easily and then see pretty quick results... No magic but very effective!
However, it's one thing managing your own situations, quite another to get involved in an incident already well underway... and not going too well. Not impossible to manage but more tricky!
When I went to see one of my group at school, I was told that one of my ex-kids (who'd been doing brilliantly at school - he'd been reintegrated back into school more than a year ago) had thrown a tantrum and run away! The head teacher said he should return but all efforts to make this happen had failed. Then dad rang to say he'd landed at home, agreed he must go back to school but didn't think he could make it happen...
A dilemma had been created... He'd been told he had to return to school so this had to happen. The head teacher asked me if I'd go with her to collect him - so off we went...
We arrived at the house and to shorten the tale there was one almighty fuss... quite an understatement! The result? He went back to school...
I was disturbed by what his father told me. Although there had been no sign of bad behaviour at school, the boy's behaviour at home had deteriorated badly. Before I worked with him over a year before he'd completely ruled the roost at home and school - violence, aggression, tantrums - anything to get his own way. And guess what? It worked. Nobody stood up to him so on and on he went with this destructive behaviour. Why shouldn't he continue? He'd be pretty stupid not to continue to behave that way when it got him what his child's mind wanted. And he's certainly far from being stupid...
Once the parents took the advice, used my behaviour managment strategies, the boy's appalling behaviour stopped - he was reformed... Well, for a while - it only continued while they used the strategies. But, stop managing the behaviour and the behaviour will go back to how it was before. And so it proved... with devastating consequences...
How did the boy's dad react? 'He behaves like that all the time', 'We can't do anything to stop him', 'He's changed back to how he was before'.
'You have managed him before,' I told him, 'and if you don't get a grip of this then the next time you allow him to behave in this way it could be the police on the doorstep putting cuffs on him and putting him in a cell...' What a dreadful thought!
I finally told him that I was shocked that he was talking about his son's behaviour as if it was normal!
And his reply? 'Well that behaviour is normal in our house!'
'That behaviour isn't normal and it's dangerous to consider for a moment that it is! Your son is behaving so badly because you've stopped managing him and he's taken control away from you again! By doing nothing you are making his future very risky!'
We're talking here about a very bright boy who has no future to look forward if he's allowed to continue to behave so badly. And his parents throwing up their hands in despair and accepting the unacceptable as their normal is inexcusable... What a dangerous place this boy's in!!
Of course they can re-establish their authority in their home - they've done it before, so they can do it once more. Any adult can learn to deal with kids' behaviour confidently and effectively. It isn't difficult! In fact it's surprisingly easy! It's also essential and critical for their son's welfare and successful future!
About the Author :
Liz Marsden is a highly skilled and respected behaviour expert who manages children showing extreme behaviour. Liz uses her skills to train teachers, trainee teachers, teaching assistants and parents to deal with children's behaviour confidently. Visit Liz's website and access her easy to follow techniques that will put you in the driving seat when dealing with children's behaviour.
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